So Im standing at the sea food counter at my local grocery store tonight, getting my sword fish and talapia on right? While I’m waiting for my order, a cute mom comes up with her little 2-year-old son on the trolley. The kid wants to see the lobsters. Awww, so cute, right? So he’s looking at the lobsters, tapping the glass, playing with them. He asks his mom, “What are they doing in there Mommy?” She replies, “They’re playing, honey.”

They’re playing?

I’m sorry, I just could’nt let that one go. The poor kid is going to grow up thinking that the local lobster pick-up bar is the supermarket; when everyone knows that the only game these lobsters will be playing in the immediate future is called “get me the fuck out of this boiling water NOW!” I wish I could take what happened in the next 5 minutes back. I wish what happened in the next 5 minutes never happened.

But it did.

“No, they are waiting in there to die,” I told the kid.

Silence followed. He looks at me, then the lobsters. His mom looks at me in amazement and surprise. And what I can only guess as… anger. Furious anger.

“Now why on Earth would you say something like that?” the cute mom says to me. And you know what? I honestly did’nt know! I said, “Er, I, erm… I dont know… Im so sorry!” The kid asks his mom, “Why are they waiting to die, mommy?” Im thinking this might be a good time for me to take an exit… Luckily I got my fish and got the fuck out of there… I could still feel eyes on me as I walked away from the cute mom and her now-scared-for-life kid. Yep. That pretty much sums up my life: saying the wrong things at the wrong time. Moron.